In terms of writing, I’ve had an incredible year. I finished two books and published one plus two short stories. I put together a boxed set for my series. I’m 45K into my new book, which is in a completely new genre for me. When I think back to the years when I was excited to write 1,000 words IN TOTAL, I’m frankly quite amazed at what I’ve done.
So why am I still in the dumps?
In a word: rejection. My query letters have been met with nothing but “not right for us” so far on both projects I’m submitting. Inside my head I’m screaming, “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”
It’s a hard thing to face as a writer. You question what you do enough on your own. It’s not so much the rejection that bothers me. It’s not knowing why I’m being rejected. I need a goal, a focus to work on. I don’t have that. My OCD brain is a bit flummoxed trying to stick to something.
I have a conversation with myself a few times a year about giving this up. It’s really quite maddening dedicating this much time and money when it feels so useless. I will likely never accomplish my goals.
But I will definitely never accomplish them if I quit.
I’ve got enough what ifs in my life. I don’t need another one. So I guess for now I’ll keep at it.