I wish I was one of those intuitive people who could read faces and know if a person is lying or telling the truth. Did their eyebrow go up? Did they look left or right when they told me they had oceanfront property in Oklahoma for sale? Were their hands steady or fidgety? Did their breathing get shallow or deep?
For better or worse, I take people at face value until they prove otherwise. In writing, however, it takes more than that to convey emotion in our narrative.
The language of love has changed over the centuries but in many ways the silent language is unchanged. The nonverbal cues of attraction between potential partners include preening and posturing to show interest and either the acceptance or rejection of that interest. A dominant character may draw up to their full height, square the jaw or shoulders, and move in physically closer to the other person. Whereas the submissive partner may shrink back, lower their eyes, or view the other person through slightly closed eyes.
Most of what we say to another person is communicated through these nonverbal cues. Things such as the tone of voice, movements of the limbs, length and type of eye contact, and general posture can all convey how we are feeling. If you don’t believe me, ask any married person whose spouse has issued the sharp reply, “Fine!” to the question, “How are you?” if they trust the answer or the tone of voice.
Some verbal indicators are no-brainers, such as the spouse’s sharp “Fine!” Many times, it’s going to be up to the author to set the scene so the reader understands the context around the language and tone. A character that is talking in a baby voice to an infant may make sense. However, that same character talking in a baby voice to their employer may require a bit more explanation.
Use of the hands is another nonverbal signal many people clue in on without readily recognizing the intent. If someone were to point a finger in your direction, most would take that as a dominant action. Did you know, however, that showing the palm is a sign of submission? Someone points a finger and your hands go up in the “surrender” posture. Think of that pose in terms of a character who brushes back their hair or covers their smile with the back of a hand.
Even how someone sits in a chair can reflect their self-prescribed place on the social ladder. If they sit with their legs crossed, hands clenched at the knees they could be feeling defensive, nervous, or reserved as the body shows a closed position, held tightly together on multiple fronts (hands, legs). On the other hand, if they sit and cross an ankle over the opposite knee, elbows resting on their legs, this can represent a stubborn or tough individual girded for battle, their limbs “dug in” for support and balance.
It may be hard to think in terms of dominant or submissive for contemporary relationships without the subtext of BDSM elements perhaps. The advantage we have today is that the dominant/submissive roles can be situational. Strength is not limited to a dominant character nor does the dominant character always have to be strong. And weakness is no longer considered a fatal flaw for a protagonist.
A couple of books I love on the subject are Body Language Secrets by R. Done Steele and 1,000 Character Reactions from Head to Toe by Valerie Howard.